I’m even more lazy about this than I anticipated. Maybe I would care if I had some followers (AHEM), not that I’m complaining or anything. Or hinting. Or even asking. Look, I’m above begging. So… fuck you. Don’t follow me. 

Reverse psychology didn’t work either, huh? Damn.
All right, all right - time to beg I guess. 

Now, if Coke Talk should be my best friend; Randy should definitely be my boyfriend.

Here’s why:

1. Randy hates a LOT of shit. 
2. I, too, hate a LOT of shit. 
3. In fact, Randy and I hate a lot of the same shit. 

And if that’s not the start to a glorious relationship, then I don’t know what is. There’s really nothing that I like more than complaining about everything I hate, except maybe making fun of that shit.

Can you see now why we’re meant to be together, Randy? Call me! XOXO

We have some things in common:

1. being female
2. being bitchy
3. telling people what to do without any right to do so

But, we also have some differences: 

1. I don’t do coke, 
2. I don’t hang out with hot well-hung celebs on the regular
3. I couldn’t tell someone to pull their head out of their ass and stop being a fuckup 1/2 as verbosely as you. 

All in all I think, Dear Coke Talk, that we could (and should) be best friends - if only to remedy that 2nd difference we have.

Just in case you don’t live in a city teeming with “hipsters,” or you don’t get out enough here’s a blog to help fulfill your weekly hipster mocking quota.

Each day (okay, that’s a lie… on occasion… with somewhat more frequency than a blue moon) I’ll tell you who you should follow (although I have no authority to) and you’ll listen. If you have any common sense, that is. Because despite my lack of authority I have superb taste.